It's like I knew I would need this blog at some point.

I honestly don't even know how to start this one. Not that there's not a true beginning of the story, but, that I even AM starting it. That there's a REASON for me to finally be writing on here. I just really don't want to be writing through THIS pain. 

On August 5th my life changed forever. My dad had a weightlifting meet in Florida and on their last full day there, my mom got really sick and was admitted to the hospital. After going to urgent care because of becoming violently sick to her stomach and throwing up almost non stop, they found her oxygen was only at 85%. Urgent care sent her to the er and she was admitted later that day. 

They found she had pancreatitis due to gallstones blocking her pancreatic duct. That was her official cause for being so sick. I have a whole story to tell about the ups and downs of her hospital stay but I'm just not ready for that yet.

On August 26th, around 11 pm, my dad got the call we never wanted. 3 hours later, my beautiful mom, the woman who gave birth to me, raised me, molded me into who I am today, my best friend who I went to about everything... My mom... Died.

She died. She DIED!!! SHE DIED!!!!!! 

I just want to puke right now even typing that!!!

3 weeks and 1 day after she was admitted they found she had a perforated bowel and was fading fast so my dad got the call nobody wanted.

This pain, it's truly unbearable. I almost wish I could go back to the numb feeling. How I felt when I was still in shock. When my brain was protecting me from the pain. But then I would still be wishing I could cry more and feel the pain I'm feeling now.